Treat as most urgent!

Did you see that most urgent email in your spam folder Adam?

Yes I did. I have deconstructed it below* for the sake of humour. My comments in red.

UNITED NATIONS OFFICE OF INTERNATIONAL OVERSIGHT SERVICES (An actual part of the UN)

Internal Audit,Monitoring,Consulting And Investigations Division (I think that's what the OIOS does isn't it?)

From: Mrs.Inga-Britt Ahlenius (I somehow doubt this is from her, but nice try, she is a real person)

To:Fund Beneficiary,

This is to inform you that I came to Nigeria yesterday from London (slightly strange for a Swedish woman working in New York),after series of complains (that would be complaints) from the FBI and other Security agencies from Asia, Europe, Oceania, Antarctica (WTF?!? Security agency from Antarctica? Penguin Bureau of Investigation?) ,South America and the United States of America respectively (respective of what?), against the Federal Government of Nigeria and the British Government for the rate of scam activities going on in these two nations. (Sender of this email, you wouldn't be involved would you?)

I have met with Acting President Goodluck Jonathan of Nigeria (ooo, you are up to date, he's standing in for the ill Umara Yar'Adua) who claimed that he has been trying his best to make sure you receive your fund in your account. (Has he tried phoning HSBC? They can be very helpful).

Right now,as directed by our secretary general Mr.Ban Ki-Moon,We (finger space, lower case 'w') are working in collaboration with the Nigerian Economic and Financial Crime(s) Commission (EFCC) (a corrupt organisation) and have decided to waive away all your clearance fees/Charges and authorise the Government of Nigeria to effect the payment of your compensation of an amount of $10M approved by both the British government and the UN into your account without any delay.(whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. You mean if someone in Nigeria wants to pay me 10 million dollars (US, Canadian?) the government there has to authorise it and also ask my government, who surely have better things to do, and the UN? What have the UN got to do with it? They aren't some giant world government you know!) The only fee you will pay to confirm your fund in your account,is your Notarization fee to the UN which is $2700 only. (I know bank charges can be unreasonable, but really?)

Sincerely,you are a lucky person (I am?) because I have just discovered that some top Nigerian and British Government Officials are interested in your fund (that actually wouldn't surprise me) and they are working in collaboration with One Mr.Richard Graves (now you resort to making names up) from USA to fraustrate (sounds painful) you and thereafter divert your fund into their personal account. (Who is this man? Best I can find is an english writer who died in 1805).

I have a very limited time to stay in Nigeria here so I would like you to urgently respond to this message so that I can advise you on how best to confirm your fund in your account within the next 72 hours. (Can't I email you once you are back at the UN?)

For oral discussion (you want to talk about the state of my teeth?),call me on this number which I just acquired in Nigeria today:+234-7036-18-74-18. (Can the Nigerian telephone guys come work over here? Takes BT 3 weeks to do that).

Sincerely yours,

Mrs.Inga-Britt Ahlenius. (you mean Mr Ima-Big Scammer don't you? My address is on the electoral role. You claim you are in contact with my government, so get the details from them and send me a cheque!).

*With thanks to Wikipedia for random facts.

Roads: A rather odd thing to be interested in?

Oh my good golly gosh! Are you actually going to write something here Adam?

We'll, actually, yes I am. I felt I should, as that is the point really.

So, what are you going to enlighten us with today?

I want to natter about my various interests and thought I would start with something fairly innocuous and mildly uncontroversial. That being my slightly bizarre interest in roads.

Roads... ok... I shall humour you and let you carry on...

Thanks! Firstly let me introduce you to this entire website/forum/wiki about roads, just to prove I am not the only one who is interested in them.

My interest in roads is ingrained from my childhood, and for those who like to blame Lady Thatcher for things, you can probably blame the good lady for this. When I was about 10 or so, there were a lot of new roads being built in West Sussex which came out of "Roads to Prosperity", many involving our dear friend the A27. I thought it was fascinating and from many viewpoints: the engineering, traffic management, why were the roads being built, what was the "big plan" and so on. Eventually I realised (in those heady pre-internet days) that the "big plan" involved building a decent modern trunk route along the south coast. Not a Motorway as some were be-crying it, just something that worked, removed traffic from inappropriate urban streets and generally got people from A to B in a fairly efficient way. This was to include that most-longed-for Mecca of the A27 driver: the vaguely titled "A27 Worthing-Lancing Improvement".

The public exhibition for this new road came to Lancing, and I went along with my dad to have a look at the pretty pictures and models of bits of Worthing that were going to be seriously remodelled. This must have been 1993 I think, the plan being that the whole thing would be built and in use by 1997. Here it was! A new road with tunnels and flyovers and all sorts of exciting things was going to be built right round my home village!

Then came the M3 at Twyford Down, and the A34 Newbury bypass. The former was a complete disaster in road-construction, built in a cutting rather than a tunnel to save money only for the protests this caused to cost more than the tunnel would have. The latter just seemed to irritate a bunch of students who wanted to have a good protest at an already unpopular government. The A27 Worthing - Lancing Improvement got through public inquiry weeks after it had been cancelled. The queues I sat in on my way to and from work today say the rest.

The influence of these events never the less stayed with me. I am still fascinated with road-design, whether it be how to get a junction to work properly, how to make the most of the roads we have, when and how we build new roads that are acceptable to society and the plethora of unfinished plans and dreams. The London Ringways project is probably the biggest example of unfinished plans and these would have completely changed London and its transport network had they been completed. It was also rather unpopular.

Road transport is always going to be controversial it seems, yet with 87% of journeys being made by car it would still seem to be something most of us support. At least until it involves tarmacking the local hill or demolishing your house. 17 years on from those heady plans for the A27 little has happened other than the addition of more traffic. The creation of the South Downs National Park is only going to make solving the problem a greater challenge, but I believe it is still doable, with enough imagination and ingenuity.

Do you actually do anything about this interest you have then?

I do. I contribute to the Sabre wiki, as well as discussing things there on the fora. As some examples I have contributed in part to the page about the A27, created most the page about the Patcham Interchange and waxed lyrically (or wittered on if you prefer) about the joys of the B2036. I too was shocked about how much I knew about the B2036, or even the B2110... at least between Lower Beeding and East Grinstead.

I have also dabbled in photographing roads. I shall leave you with this view from next to the entrance of the Southwick Hill Tunnel.