An adventure in avoiding the M25

You went on a bit of an adventure recently, didn't you?

I wouldn't go that far. I... had a bit of a drive through suburban Surrey.

Ah, so it was an attempt to prove your manliness by getting from Heathrow to Worthing without using the M25, a map or satnav?

I wouldn't go that far. Though... I did manage it.

[sarcasm]Do share, I'm sure it was thrilling. [/sarcasm]

Well, I could tell the story. Would mean actually posting to my blog though.

I suppose I should take what I can get...

Ok, here goes!

Last Wednesday I dropped my parents off at Heathrow airport at about half 4 in the afternoon. On getting back onto the M4 I looked at the queue to get onto the M25 anticlockwise, thought "screw that" and somewhat madly carried straight on. Armed with only my random knowledge of roads, 3 years of non-car life in Egham and a vague idea of where the major towns are around there, I attempted to find my way back to Worthing.

First problem: I'm on the M4 westbound and I want to go south-east! So I turn off at junction 5 and head towards Datchet, remembering that there's a railway line running from Datchet to Staines, so there's probably a road heading that way as well. Lo and behold the B376 does just that. So I cheerfully follow the road signs and am doing fine until I get to here.

Now, having once almost followed a line of cars into someone's drive due to an impromptu road closure on the A24 and us all assuming the chap in front knew where he was going, I was a little reluctant to follow everyone else. But, the road was called "Staines Road" so I trusted that that was probably the right way and I end up finding my way to M25 J13.

Glancing up at the 4 lanes of stationary traffic above the roundabout, I have a decision to make. I debate whether to try to head into Staines and try to find my way down to Chertsey and Addlestone and other places near the M25, or head towards Kingston with a vague recollection that the A243 heads from there to Leatherhead from which I know where I am going. The A30 towards Kingston wins out and I boldly charge off, recalling reading recently about the joys of the Crooked Billet roundabout, which is around there..., isn't it?... Oh yes...

Deciding that Kingston really does sound like a good idea, I start to think about needing the outside lane to go right-ish and am then quite thankful that I'm in dad's BMW rather than my Fiesta so I can dash across to the left-hand lane without getting in the way too much. I negotiate the hamburger, the road markings give up completely and off I head down the A308.

The A308 is actually a rather pleasant drive, if a little busy, until the traffic lights. I lost count how many sets. At this point the A244 offers itself off to the right, and I'm tempted as it sounds familiar, and logic would suggest it may have something to do with the A243 and A24 as well. However, I felt at the time that logic doesn't play too great a role in UK road numbering, so continued on. With hindsight, and the use of a map when I got home, I could have probably taken that offer, though it may not have made much difference in the end.

I reach Sunbury and, to my joy, the M3. At least I'm heading the right way around. Neither the M3 or the A316 look particularly constructive, so on I go. And on. And on. Through some temporary traffic lights. And on. And on. The Thames appears on my right. I should probably cross it sooner rather than later. Various signs have been pointing to the A3, which have given me some hope at least. I feel at this point that I definitely need to start heading south. I do, and onto the A309, across the Thames. I've also become very aware that the Kingston bypass runs to the south of Kingston and that actually, I need to start aiming for somewhere else. Esher sounds like a good plan.

It's serious decision time, though the name of the roundabout suggests I'm actually off the coast of Cornwall. Kingston is definitely passed now, and, if I'm really desperate, the A3/M25 junction is only one along from the Leatherhead one, so the A307 wins. Having negotiated the pregnant roundabout it becomes very clear this road is going to Esher. The middle of it. However...

HALLELUJAH!

And I'm away. Fairly slowly as there's lots of villages and hills, but anyway, I get to Junction 9, and joyfully head off down the A24 and home.

The whole journey from Heathrow to Worthing took 2 hours in the end. Going the M25 way in moving traffic it's about an hour and a half and a few miles shorter. This is a map of the route. Despite the fairly heavy traffic throughout I actually enjoyed the drive; it was a bit of an adventure really.

Lancing: A musical tour

You are writing a musical about Lancing? Are you mad?

Well, no on both counts really. I'm writing a piece of music about Lancing, and I'm pretty sure I'm sane.

Why are you writing a piece of music about Lancing?

Well, I've been asked to write something for a young composers concert next week, and as it is in Lancing I thought I would write about... well... Lancing.

Hold on, "young" composers?

Don't be rude. And they are a little short on genuine student composers this year.

So is it all fights at the train station, rowdy pubs, council estates and wet weather?

No actually. I've taken quite a positive view because Lancing actually has a lot of good things about it. Now I know I don't have a lot of experience of other places but I always quite liked it. I like Durrington too of course...

Weirdo. But.. but... you once lived in Virginia Water! The epitome of the suburban dream that is Surrey!

Well, yes, and it was very nice. It lacked soul though. Lancing has much more of a sense of community. OK, you aren't going to see Gary Linekar in your local newsagent but having lived in Lancing the majority of my life I know lots of other people who live there, which is nice.

So what have you written about in Lancing?

The manor, the village shops, a church or two, the beach, row after row of 1930s housing. Monks.

Monks?

Well, there is Monks Rec, and The Merry Monk and Monks Avenue. So I thought "Why not?".

What was your inspiration for the main then?

The note A, followed by intervals based on the numbers 2, 0 and 5.

How'd you come up with that.

... well... ... ...

Oh hold on... A... 2...0.......2...5?

:)

Getting our priorities right.

Oh dear, you are irritated about something aren't you?

Yep.

Go on then...

I would like to make a few points:

1) The quality of what we teach our children is more important than the quality of where we teach them. I teach in rooms that vary from the hugely spacious "could be used as the school hall in an emergency" to the pokey "just about enough room for me, three pupils and their keyboards" and from a practice room in a modern purpose built performing arts building to a hut that was probably temporary when it was put up 30 years ago. I like to think that the quality of my teaching is equal in all of them.

2) The house I live in was built in the 1960s, it's still standing and in good condition. Why are our 1960's schools in such a state? Do we really need such full scale rebuilding of so many of our schools when some basic repairs, double glazing and modern heating/insulation would solve the majority of the issues? Of course, this wouldn't have satiated our previous governments fetish for big shiny headline-grabbing new buildings would it? There are school buildings built in Victorian times that are looking better than some built in the '60s because they were better built to start with and have been looked after properly. Judging from some of the new build school buildings I have seen, I'm not entirely sure modern school buildings are being built to any better quality than the ones they are replacing.

3) Once things have been reviewed we may find these projects go ahead anyway, but not in the expensive, bureaucratic way they were previously being planned in.

4) The fact that there are teaching staff marching through London on a school day shows just how much those people actually care about teaching children. It's the school holidays next week, march then if you have to!

If we are going to be cutting the education budget then of course the school building programme should be the first to be reviewed. Teaching and Learning are the priorities in education; as obvious as that may seem it clearly needs pointing out. Buildings don't teach children!

Bank Holiday Thingday

It's a bank holiday tomorrow Adam, are you excited?

Not hugely. It was only two weeks ago we had the Easter holidays, do we really need another.

What would you prefer?

A bank holiday in November. Such a depressing month; could use some joy.

Tell me all about the election Adam, all your exciting political views!

Don't take the mickey. There's enough written elsewhere without me adding more.

You're playing Eve aren't you? I can tell, you're not being very communicative...

Darn it, how'd you guess? I'm leading 8 other people, none of whom I've ever met in reality, in the task of mining some virtual asteroids, while listening to the Beatles. Well, they aren't listening to the Beatles, I am. It passes the time, is therapeutic and every now and then conversation erupts. As you can tell, it doesn't take all my concentration as I am also sitting here writing this.

Exciting day?

It's had its moments. Having woken up far too early for a Sunday, I had breakfast while watching David Cameron avoid Andrew Marr's well set traps. It was a bit like watching someone tip-toe around a minefield, with toast. Due to a complete lack of much to do, I then spent an hour and a half writing an article about the A2011 in Crawley and discussed the poor road-signs at junction 10 of the M23. They are poor because they are bad, not because they are penniless. I then practised my clarinet, deliberately making bad squeaky sounds as no one else was in. I discovered I could play a note for almost 30 seconds without taking a breath. Now I have something to aim for...

Lunch then ensued: bacon sandwich. Didn't watch the TV, Nick Clegg was on.

Post lunch I played the piano for a bit. Discovered I had a ridiculous version of The Maple Leaf Rag in 5/4 time. Yes, really. It's a bastard to play, especially as I keep expecting it to sound like the original. It doesn't, it has an extra beat smashed into every bar. Something else to aim for.

Other notable events of the day: facebook conversations with two good friends.

Back to the mining...

(I have plenty of stuff planned for tomorrow if anyone was worried).

Treat as most urgent!

Did you see that most urgent email in your spam folder Adam?

Yes I did. I have deconstructed it below* for the sake of humour. My comments in red.

UNITED NATIONS OFFICE OF INTERNATIONAL OVERSIGHT SERVICES (An actual part of the UN)

Internal Audit,Monitoring,Consulting And Investigations Division (I think that's what the OIOS does isn't it?)

From: Mrs.Inga-Britt Ahlenius (I somehow doubt this is from her, but nice try, she is a real person)

To:Fund Beneficiary,

This is to inform you that I came to Nigeria yesterday from London (slightly strange for a Swedish woman working in New York),after series of complains (that would be complaints) from the FBI and other Security agencies from Asia, Europe, Oceania, Antarctica (WTF?!? Security agency from Antarctica? Penguin Bureau of Investigation?) ,South America and the United States of America respectively (respective of what?), against the Federal Government of Nigeria and the British Government for the rate of scam activities going on in these two nations. (Sender of this email, you wouldn't be involved would you?)

I have met with Acting President Goodluck Jonathan of Nigeria (ooo, you are up to date, he's standing in for the ill Umara Yar'Adua) who claimed that he has been trying his best to make sure you receive your fund in your account. (Has he tried phoning HSBC? They can be very helpful).

Right now,as directed by our secretary general Mr.Ban Ki-Moon,We (finger space, lower case 'w') are working in collaboration with the Nigerian Economic and Financial Crime(s) Commission (EFCC) (a corrupt organisation) and have decided to waive away all your clearance fees/Charges and authorise the Government of Nigeria to effect the payment of your compensation of an amount of $10M approved by both the British government and the UN into your account without any delay.(whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. You mean if someone in Nigeria wants to pay me 10 million dollars (US, Canadian?) the government there has to authorise it and also ask my government, who surely have better things to do, and the UN? What have the UN got to do with it? They aren't some giant world government you know!) The only fee you will pay to confirm your fund in your account,is your Notarization fee to the UN which is $2700 only. (I know bank charges can be unreasonable, but really?)

Sincerely,you are a lucky person (I am?) because I have just discovered that some top Nigerian and British Government Officials are interested in your fund (that actually wouldn't surprise me) and they are working in collaboration with One Mr.Richard Graves (now you resort to making names up) from USA to fraustrate (sounds painful) you and thereafter divert your fund into their personal account. (Who is this man? Best I can find is an english writer who died in 1805).

I have a very limited time to stay in Nigeria here so I would like you to urgently respond to this message so that I can advise you on how best to confirm your fund in your account within the next 72 hours. (Can't I email you once you are back at the UN?)

For oral discussion (you want to talk about the state of my teeth?),call me on this number which I just acquired in Nigeria today:+234-7036-18-74-18. (Can the Nigerian telephone guys come work over here? Takes BT 3 weeks to do that).

Sincerely yours,

Mrs.Inga-Britt Ahlenius. (you mean Mr Ima-Big Scammer don't you? My address is on the electoral role. You claim you are in contact with my government, so get the details from them and send me a cheque!).

*With thanks to Wikipedia for random facts.

Roads: A rather odd thing to be interested in?

Oh my good golly gosh! Are you actually going to write something here Adam?

We'll, actually, yes I am. I felt I should, as that is the point really.

So, what are you going to enlighten us with today?

I want to natter about my various interests and thought I would start with something fairly innocuous and mildly uncontroversial. That being my slightly bizarre interest in roads.

Roads... ok... I shall humour you and let you carry on...

Thanks! Firstly let me introduce you to this entire website/forum/wiki about roads, just to prove I am not the only one who is interested in them.

My interest in roads is ingrained from my childhood, and for those who like to blame Lady Thatcher for things, you can probably blame the good lady for this. When I was about 10 or so, there were a lot of new roads being built in West Sussex which came out of "Roads to Prosperity", many involving our dear friend the A27. I thought it was fascinating and from many viewpoints: the engineering, traffic management, why were the roads being built, what was the "big plan" and so on. Eventually I realised (in those heady pre-internet days) that the "big plan" involved building a decent modern trunk route along the south coast. Not a Motorway as some were be-crying it, just something that worked, removed traffic from inappropriate urban streets and generally got people from A to B in a fairly efficient way. This was to include that most-longed-for Mecca of the A27 driver: the vaguely titled "A27 Worthing-Lancing Improvement".

The public exhibition for this new road came to Lancing, and I went along with my dad to have a look at the pretty pictures and models of bits of Worthing that were going to be seriously remodelled. This must have been 1993 I think, the plan being that the whole thing would be built and in use by 1997. Here it was! A new road with tunnels and flyovers and all sorts of exciting things was going to be built right round my home village!

Then came the M3 at Twyford Down, and the A34 Newbury bypass. The former was a complete disaster in road-construction, built in a cutting rather than a tunnel to save money only for the protests this caused to cost more than the tunnel would have. The latter just seemed to irritate a bunch of students who wanted to have a good protest at an already unpopular government. The A27 Worthing - Lancing Improvement got through public inquiry weeks after it had been cancelled. The queues I sat in on my way to and from work today say the rest.

The influence of these events never the less stayed with me. I am still fascinated with road-design, whether it be how to get a junction to work properly, how to make the most of the roads we have, when and how we build new roads that are acceptable to society and the plethora of unfinished plans and dreams. The London Ringways project is probably the biggest example of unfinished plans and these would have completely changed London and its transport network had they been completed. It was also rather unpopular.

Road transport is always going to be controversial it seems, yet with 87% of journeys being made by car it would still seem to be something most of us support. At least until it involves tarmacking the local hill or demolishing your house. 17 years on from those heady plans for the A27 little has happened other than the addition of more traffic. The creation of the South Downs National Park is only going to make solving the problem a greater challenge, but I believe it is still doable, with enough imagination and ingenuity.

Do you actually do anything about this interest you have then?

I do. I contribute to the Sabre wiki, as well as discussing things there on the fora. As some examples I have contributed in part to the page about the A27, created most the page about the Patcham Interchange and waxed lyrically (or wittered on if you prefer) about the joys of the B2036. I too was shocked about how much I knew about the B2036, or even the B2110... at least between Lower Beeding and East Grinstead.

I have also dabbled in photographing roads. I shall leave you with this view from next to the entrance of the Southwick Hill Tunnel.

I haz Blog!

*Cries about grammar*

Firstly, before anyone has a cry about grammar, that was deliberately bad internets speak.

So, Hello! Welcome to my blog.

*Spiders? Washing Lines? What are you on about Adam?*

"Spiders on the washing line" was how a student of mine once described musical notation. My handwriting has also been compared to a spider walking across a piece of paper having dipped it's legs in ink. So I thought if I was going to write, it should have something to with spiders and music and ..... washing lines.

*What are you going to write about?*

Things. Whatever interests me. The less boring stuff of my life (I can write about the boring stuff by request). Expect music, education, politics and the odd thing about roads. Maybe some science. If I'm feeling like it I may even combine all of them.

*Anything interesting happen lately?*

Well, there was snow. Lots of it. You may have noticed. I haven't been to work since Tuesday. This has resulted in such activities as writing a flute trio, a bit of lesson planning, catching up with missed play in Eve, discovering Audio Surf, making further (if minor) contributions to the Sabre Wiki, visiting a friend or two and generally boondoggling (look it up). Needless to say I am actually looking forward to the possibility of going back to work.